I’ve managed to last two days without peeking at social media since Tuesday night, and what I saw today was exactly what I’ve been avoiding. Yes, I’m talking about the overwhelming victory of Donald J. Trump and all of the MAGA gloating that has come with it; but more than that, I’m talking about the incessant, loud, rage-machine that is social media and mainstream media. While I’m more than disappointed with Tuesday’s election results, I’m more disappointed in what our society has been barreling towards for the last ten or twelve years. I am worried about our humanity.

My family (as in my household, not my extended family) has always gone a little against the grain. You know from my previous blog posts that I started homeschooling my children over a decade ago and have really not looked back since then. We’ve found great peace as a family not living our lives around a centralized school schedule. My kids pick their own activities and passions that may not be available in traditional public school. They can study at an accelerated or slowed pace when needed. My youngest has dipped her toes into distance learning and not looked back -glad for the structured independence that young teens crave. We’ve not always been a typical family; however, we (mainly I) have always maintained a fairly active social media presence on various platforms.

First was Myspace, of course. Shout out to you other elder millennials. Myspace was my first platform in which I got to habitually overshare with my far-flung friends. I spent more than an inappropriate amount of time customizing my page, arranging friends, and choosing the perfect song for my mood or time of life. “Vermillion, Pt. 2” by Slipknot was on there way too long if I’m being honest. (Who was that young woman? Why was I so moody?)

Then came Facebook to change how we all kept in touch with one another. We no longer needed AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) or ICQ. We no longer needed Myspace. We eventually didn’t even need a phone or holiday cards or class reunions, because everything we ever wanted to know about people from our past and present was on display for us to scroll all day, everyday. Hell, we can stalk a potential person from our future if we aren’t sure we want to pursue a friendship or more.

Then the inevitable flood of Instagram, Tumblr, Reddit, Vine, TikTok began to takeover the cool rectangle in our pockets and now…our time is no longer ours. It’s being harvested non-stop by every company we’ve ever googled.

Google…don’t even get me started.

A few bright spots have emerged in this high tech hellscape. I enjoy Spotify. (with caveats…it’s not what it used to be) I continue to find great joy staying connected with old friends in faraway places. I love to video call my mom now that we live more than a few minutes away from one another. I think Life360 is a parent’s dream. However, for over a year now, I’ve been unable to shake the heavy, dark feeling that we’ve taken this all way too far.

I have a Samsung Galaxy S22 Ultra. A fantastic smartphone by any standard. Great camera, built-in stylus, huge screen, decent battery life, and all the speed and storage one could feasibly need. I have an extremely nice Alienware desktop computer I use for work and gaming. All my televisions are “smart”. I have a brand new Galaxy watch that can track anything I want it to.

Yet, over the last year, I’ve found myself never wearing my watch. It sits on or by the charger, but it’s never on my wrist -even if I decide to exercise. I can’t stand the constant updates. My “smart” televisions stay off for the most part. (And I spend a fortune subscribed to almost EVERY streaming service there is.) I’ve read more books the last couple of years than I probably did in the previous ten. My desktop still gets regular use, but my phone…that is a different story.

The story of Angela’s phone is one of love and hate. You see, I love scrolling, or I did. Being one of the earlier users of any social media, scrolling is a fully integrated part of how I network. It’s how I discover new books, movies, get ideas for projects, recipes, Christmas gifts. (How could I forget about Pinterest and Amazon?) Every free minute of my day is usually spent scrolling in one way or another for over a decade. Having a smart phone made that so much easier and so much harder to quit.

Where I used to get great dopamine hits from likes on a post or seeing pictures and videos of friends, that has been replaced with constant surges to my anxiety, and rage bait is what I see more of than anything else. This is where the hate comes in. Not only do I hate that I can’t seem to put my phone down, but I hate what my phone is showing me. Ads, AI-lives (“Thank you for the rose…yum…yum….thank you for the rose”… that shit is too disturbing for me), politically-charged-anger-stoking edits, none of this is what I signed up for when I made a TikTok. I wanted to see dances, skits, funny lip synchs, and watch people make sourdough bread. What the hell has happened here?

Yeah, yeah, I know…it’s an algorithm. And my algorithm is pretty pristine, thank-you-very-much. That doesn’t mean those pulling the strings over at ol’ TikTok/FB/Insta don’t do everything they can to keep you glued to your phone. That’s the whole point. What could keep you more glued to your screen than the promise of something you like? Or FOMO? When you know the latest scandal or see the latest “breaking news,” you feel more informed. You feel like part of the world, but that’s not reality. Reality is the pile of dishes in the sink and your kid’s science project on the dining table. A constant stream of updates about P. Diddy’s legal issues does nothing positive for my psyche, but calling a friend on the phone lifts my spirits for a week.

Facebook, Threads, X (ugh, Elon), etc. are nothing but bots arguing with one another over whatever drama has been regurgitated that day, and it would take an entirely new post to explore what Boomers have done to Facebook alone. (Hint: they taught us not to trust everything on the internet, and well…) Yet, everywhere we go, people are checking their feeds. Doing a quick scroll before the movie starts, checking their email before their food comes out at dinner, shooting off a quick message while waiting at a red light…and no one seems to be enjoying themselves while they do it! It’s all pure compulsion.

The internet used to be FUN. It was wild and a bit unhinged, but that was part of the beauty. Now, it’s just unhinged in the worst ways, and that’s what makes me sad. People are mean to one another. It’s loud.

“Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.” -Buddha

I hunger for quiet. Quiet in my mind. I constantly look for space and time to be present in the everyday moments I used to enjoy. I’m a musician, and now I barely touch my instruments. I’m a writer, and now I barely explore the ideas that used to grip my consciousness late at night. I find myself yearning for simpler times, and I think those times are not gone -just forgotten. They’re buried beneath the noise of our overconsumption.

I know we can find our way back to one another. I know we can look each other in the eyes and share love and understanding despite differences. I think we get there by embracing quiet and ordinary days grounded in reality. We get there by disengaging with the noise that drowns out our humanity. We get there by going out into our communities and lending a real hand to those who need it -not raising our voices above those who need to be heard.

My digital life is about to radically change, and my communication with others will also look and feel differently than it has for the past decade. (I’ll write more about this in the coming weeks…I’m a writer, after all.) However, I’m more than ready for the change. This is almost certainly the way back to real life.

Unplug, and reacquaint yourself with humanity.